Your Kids Need Something Beyond Themselves

We’ve all seen this scene in a dozen kid’s movies. The child character is feeling unequal to the task in front of him or her. The figurative mountain in front of them seems too hard to climb. They feel like they will never be able to make their dreams a reality. But then a parent gives a passionate speech to the child and tells them something like,

“You can do anything you set your mind to…. follow your dreams… you control your destiny… there’s nothing you can’t achieve if you work hard and be yourself.”

Or something along those lines.

A False Gospel

This on the surface sounds like nice, heart-warming (albeit a little cliche) advice. But if we scratch a little deeper beneath the surface of this thinking we might just find that this advice has the potential of indoctrinating our children with a false gospel.

The reality of human existence is that we are finite creatures. We aren’t perfect. We fail. We have limits. All kinds of things happen in our life that are beyond our control. The biblical story shows us that we are all tainted with the fallenness of sin, and apart from Christ we are alienated from the source of our true strength. We were designed to be dependant on the strength of another. We were never meant to be an island unto ourselves.

The false gospel behind the phrase “You can do anything you set your mind to” is one of self-sufficiency. You can do anything. You just need to dig deep. You just need to be yourself. You make your own destiny.

Brave

I was watching the Disney Pixar movie Brave recently, and in one of the climactic moments that define the film the main character, Merida, says –

“There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own, but I know better. Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it.”

As much as I like many elements of this movie, scripture teaches us something quite different about our lives. Bravery isn’t found in taking control of our lives, it is found in laying down our lives – in submitting to the fact that all of life is under the sovereign control of Another. Our life isn’t saved from the power within – it is saved from a power outside ourself (Rom 5:6). It doesn’t teach us to be self-reliant – it teaches us to be completely and desperately reliant upon our Sovereign Saviour.

A Fruitful Life

I know this flies in the face of every kid’s Disney movie we’ve absorbed since we were all in diapers, but the gospel teaches us that self-reliance is not a good trait. In fact it is sin. So why are we as Christians holding this out to our children as something to strive for? Something to grow into?

Perhaps, it is because, as parents, we think it’s our primary role to prepare our kids to fend for themselves – to live independant, useful, fruitful lives in this world. If we don’t teach them to be self-reliant, perhaps they’ll never take life by the horns and make something of themselves. There is a fragment of truth in this. It is important to learn discipline and a good work ethic. But, in the light of eternity, what truly is a fruitful and useful life?

Jesus says in John 15:5 that, “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing.”

We can do nothing of lasting eternal value without Christ our strength. Without him we are like fallen branches cut off from the vine, withering under the hot summer skies; a branch that will will never bear any lasting fruit. There is only one person who can make something truly useful and fruitful out of our lives and it’s not us. He is the potter, we are the clay. He is the vine, we are the branches.

Hold out a Better Truth

Instead of self-reliance let’s hold out something better for our children. Instead of telling them “You can do anything you set your mind to”, let’s give them the words of the apostle Paul –

“I can do all things through him who strengthens me.”

Philippians 4:13

Philippians 4:13 takes the emphasis off ourselves and places it on Jesus. We can’t, he can. In ourselves we can do nothing, but with him alive in us we can do all things. This is the hope of the gospel. Not only does Christ accomplish our redemption and justification, once and for all, on the cross, He also strengthens us day by day to walk in His good purpose for our lives.

Through the Highs and Lows

Steph Curry, the basketball great, infamously inscribes Phil 4:13 on his sneakers before each game (with a sharpie!). He has testified to how this verse has driven him to excel and remember where his strength comes from. And it is important to remember this verse when we thrive at the things the Lord puts in front of us, but we also need to remember it when the going gets tough; when the bottom falls out of our life. Paul said that this verse was the secret for his contentment in any circumstance (Phil 4:12). Even in the valleys, Christ’s strength is enough. We can rely on Him when we are broken and needy. He will always see us through.

And here is where we see the failure of the false-gospel of self-reliance to carry us through. Because if you are your own Saviour, then what do you do when the rug gets pulled out from underneath you? When your medical results come back positive? When you fail at your job? When your life-long dreams never become a reality? You need a Saviour outside of yourself that is stronger than you. You need Jesus.

Christ is our Strength

So let’s ever set Jesus before our kids as their Saviour. Let’s teach them to be wholly reliant upon the One who gives strength to the weary and who causes the weak to “rise up with wings like eagles” (Isa 40:31).

Let’s worry less about teaching them to be independent and focus more on instructing and modelling what it looks like to be wholly dependant on Jesus.

Let’s be done with the false-gospel of self-reliance and instead let’s give them the secret of contentment in all circumstances of life. Christ is our strength. If we abide in Him and He in us, then we are never without resource. His strength is enough in every high and every low.

The next time you watch a family movie with your kids and you hear the false-gospel of self-sufficiency being proclaimed, use it as an opportunity to displace this false narrative with the truth from scripture.

We can’t. He can. In all things, rely on Jesus and his limitless strength.