Why did you get married? I’m assuming you fell in love. Your would-be spouse made you feel alive – made you feel complete. Spending time with him or her made you happy and content. You loved the way they made you feel. But what happens when that feeling fades? What should you do? Try again and start over? If the object of your marriage is happiness, then that makes sense. But what if there was a deeper meaning to your marriage? Something larger than yourself. Something eternal and exceedingly beautiful.
If you entered into your marriage for your own happiness, then you have a problem, because your spouse is not really what your heart is looking for. In the end, your spouse will not fulfill the longing in your heart for completion. There is only one person who can do that, and your marriage is meant to be a reflection of His self-sacrificing love for his people.
“As God made man in His own image, so He made earthly marriage in the image of His own eternal marriage with His people.” – Geoffrey Bromiley
Christ and His Bride
Marriage is not something humans came up with – it was instituted by God (Gen 2:22-25). Ephesians 5:22-33 tells us that earthly marriage is an image of something far bigger – the eternal marriage of God with His people. Christ’s bride is the church, and we are called to reflect this eternal relationship with our own marriages. In other words – your marriage is not your own. God instituted it to show forth a greater glory.
Self-Sacrifice
Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loves and has loved the church (Eph 5:25). How has Christ loved the church? Through self-sacrifice (Phil 2:7). Through humble service (Matt 20:28). Through pain and agony (Luke 22:44). Jesus did not give up on His marriage to His people when the going got tough. Instead He sacrificed of himself for his bride – always putting her first, even when she was undeserving. He gave of His own present happiness for her happiness. He became a man of sorrows (Isa 53:3) for a future joy – the salvation and restoration of His bride (Heb 12:2).
Your Every Need
You may be thinking, yes, but what about me? What about my needs? And I’d like to suggest that the answer is this – “God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (Phil 4:19). If you let Him, God is the one who will fulfill you, for you were made for Him. Every need you have, or ever could have, will be supplied in the riches of Jesus. One of God’s names in the Bible is Jehovah-Jireh, which means “The Lord will provide”. His very nature is to provide for His people.
“Stop trying to make your spouse into the supplier of your needs.”
Stop trying to make your spouse into the supplier of your needs. He or she is bound to fail. They may succeed for a short time, but in the end they are human and will fall short. God is the only need-supplier that will never grow empty. He designed you to need to be connected with Him – to abide in Him (John 15:5). Christ will nourish and cherish you always, because you are part of his church, which is His own body (Eph 5:29-30). At times, God will undoubtedly use your spouse to supply your needs, but the nourishing always originates from Him.
Joined Together
Marriage is the closest relationship two humans can have together. In fact God said that in marriage two people are joined together and become one person (Matt 19:6). They are unified and it is a beautiful thing. As a christian, whether you know it or not, you are joined together – unified with Christ (Gal 2:20). You are in Him and He is in you (Rom 8:9). Two have become one. Sounds a lot like marriage doesn’t it? God loves using imagery from life to show forth deeper realities. This means that when you begin to love your spouse as Christ loves the church you are proclaiming the gospel. Your marriage is an image – a pale reflection, of Christ’s passionate relationship with His beloved people.
“God loves using imagery from life to show forth deeper realities.”
Fullness of Joy
When people look at your marriage, do they see a picture that shows forth the beauty of Christ and His self-sacrificing love for the church? Pray for this. Ask God to use your marriage to proclaim the love of Christ. Let God change your perspective. Your marriage is not primarily about your happiness, but when we start seeking to love our spouses as Christ loves us, instead of using them for our own selfish motives, we discover the joy of living aligned with God’s best purposes. In the end, the only way to enduring happiness is through living in Christ; by embracing your position as God’s beloved. So, let your spouse off the hook. They are awesome, and a precious gift from God, but they are not what your soul needs.
“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11
Love out of His Love
You will only be able to love your spouse as Christ loves the church if you are allowing your needs to be met by Jesus. So spend time with Him. Talk to him. Let Him nourish you from His word. Find your fulfillment in Him and in what He thinks of you. He chose you before the foundation of the Earth (Eph 1:4). Through trials, hard times, and your unfaithfulness, His love for you never diminishes (Rom 8:35-39). He cherishes you. Fill yourself from the well of His love, and out of the overflow of His affection, love your spouse.
