Why am I not going to Nairobi?
Yes, that’s right. I am not going.
In a word: Matthew.
About two weeks ago Matthew began to express deep concern about my trip to Nairobi. He had heard of the terrorist attacks on the Westgate Mall and came to me with tears in his eyes saying, “Daddy, please don’t go. I can’t lose you, too.” He was anxious and worried sick.
We talked and prayed. What was I to do?
Matthew then gathered himself together, wiped away the tears and looked straight into my eyes. He said, “Daddy. You take a few days to pray. If you can honestly tell me that Jesus is calling you to go, then I will find a way to get through it. I will trust that He will bring you home.”
How do you find God’s will? How do you make big decisions? Well, I took to praying and began to seek the counsel and advice of trusted friends and family. But I needed something definitive; a word from the Lord, if you will. One of my good friends is an African bishop. He loves Matthew and me, calling, writing emails and checking in on us regularly. He is also one of the key organizers of the GAFCon conferences. So, I called him to seek his counsel fully expecting him to say, “Get on that plane.” His response was, “R.D., I have heard from the Lord and this is what you are to do. Sit Matthew down and tell him, ‘Matthew, this is an historic conference. It is so very important. Daddy has been given a significant role and task to play at this very important meeting. Matthew, it is a once in a lifetime moment. But you are more important. I am not going.”
And there it was. I had the answer to the question I was asking.
So I am not going to Nairobi.
Let me be perfectly clear. I was not concerned for my own safety. In fact, you have heard me say that no one ever dies a day early in God’s economy. I know that I would have returned home from Nairobi safely and Matthew would have learned that he can entrust his most precious things to Jesus. However, I did not want to put him through a week of stress and anxiety.
Think, for a moment, about what the Lord has taught Matt through this experience. Perhaps there’s a lesson in this for me and for you, too.
1) Matthew came to a place, on his own, wherein he was prepared to trust the Lord. He was willing to endure the hardship of a week of concern, if the Lord was asking him to do so. Matthew is, in some ways, like Abraham. He was willing to lay down the person he cherished, if God was calling him to do so (Genesis 22). Would I be so willing to entrust everything to the Lord like Matthew? Would you?
2) Matthew learned that he is more important to me than a conference and more important to me than my ‘career’ (poor word, but you understand). A friend recently told me that I had made the right decision. He said that he makes his decisions with the following matrix. Jesus first. Then family. Everyone else can form a line and take a number. My first calling is to be Matthew’s dad. I told Matthew, “Sometimes, when boys grow up to be teenagers, they question whether or not their dads loved them. Matthew, I always want you to remember my decision to cancel my trip to Nairobi.” With tear-filled eyes he replied, “Daddy, I will never forget.”
A million possibilities play themselves out in my mind. Not going to Nairobi is a huge sacrifice, but one I gladly make for Matthew and with no regrets. Would I have gone if Matthew’s mommy hadn’t died three years ago? Most likely. Will the Canadian delegates return home safely from Nairobi? Most certainly.
We never know the times when the Lord prevents us from falling into harm. Perhaps this morning you were rushing out the door, frustrated that you couldn’t find your keys. Looking for your keys made you 30 seconds later than you planned. You will never know but maybe that 30 seconds allowed you to miss the speeding car that ran a red light. We will never know.
Perhaps my change of plans has protected me from mugging, or abduction. We will never know. I do know that Matthew has learned to trust the Lord and he has learned that he is very important to his dad.
So, what to do?
Well, I have learned two things in not going to Nairobi.
Like Matthew, be willing to trust Jesus.
And always put family first.
Even in writing this, I am concerned about disappointing you. So far everyone has wholeheartedly supported my decision. Our bishops, our Executive Council, Parish Council, Staff, the General Secretary of GAFCon and many other family members and friends have all told me that I have made the right call. Thank you all for understanding and for your support.
Please continue to pray for the GAFCon meeting in Nairobi.
