A Letter from RD – The End of the Year of Firsts

May 26^th, 2011

Dear St. George’s Family,

Today is a tender day.  One year ago we lost our dear Rhonda.  It feels like only yesterday that I was sleeping in her hospital room.  At the same time, it also feels like ages have passed.  Either way, I am glad that the year of firsts has come to an end.  Anyone who has lost a loved one knows the pain of the first Christmas, birthdays, wedding anniversary and other special days.

Having said that, the ‘special’ days have not been the most difficult.  In many ways they seem just another day without Rhonda.

This month has been filled with memories.  Matthew and I have looked through family pictures, talked about Rhonda and even watched some home videos.  Seeing Rhonda in pictures and videos brought tears, but also with them a sense of joy and gratitude for the time we spent together.

So many of you have sent emails, Facebook messages and just asked me how we are doing.  Often I don’t know how to answer.  This is the only time I have ever lost my spouse, so it is difficult to gage.  I will say that both Matthew and I have had our ups and downs over the past 365 days.

Here are a few thoughts, in no particular order:

• Heaven has become more real. It is less about a place beyond the clouds and more about the present reality of God’s Kingdom breaking through today.  I sense heaven everywhere and feel the reality of eternity in every day moments.  Truly the ‘heavenly places’ are all around us.
• Jesus is still in control. I am more convinced than ever that Jesus rules over everything, and that He is always working out His good purposes in the lives of His people.  James Paton, 19^th century missionary to the New Hebrides said, “The same hand that was pierced at Calvary sways the scepter of the universe.”
• God redeems and restores. Not every day has been sad for Matthew and me.  Our life looks very different than it did, but God has brought new joys.
• I have found unimaginable depths of comfort and trust in Jesus. The trajectory of Job’s life teaches us that God is even sovereign over our suffering.  In fact, the point is not that we would understand ‘why’, rather that we would come to know Him in a manifest way.  Near the end of his life Job said, “I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you” (42:5).  The point is that through suffering we go from people who have heard about God to people who have gazed upon Him with our own eyes.
• God is glorified in the midst of suffering. Jesus was glorified in the last month of Rhonda’s life when she stared her own mortality in the eye and with every fiber of her being declared, ““O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” (1 Cor. 15:55).  Jesus is being glorified in Matthew’s life and in mine as we continue confidently trusting in Him.  He is our portion.

I could go on.

The kindness and love you have shown Matthew and me has been cherished.  It has been a tangible sign of the new commandment Jesus gave his disciples in John 13:34.

God’s word has been a great comfort.  Over the past month I have made Psalm 136 part of my daily devotions.  It begins,

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good,

for his steadfast love endures forever.

Give thanks to the God of gods,

for his steadfast love endures forever.

Give thanks to the Lord of lords,

for his steadfast love endures forever; …

Twenty six times, in twenty six verses, the Psalmist describes an attribute or action of God and then declares, ‘for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever.’  Just the other day, I wrote my own version of Psalm 136.  I went through various things in my life, recounting them one-by-one, each time repeating the refrain ‘for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever.’  It included verses like,

You rescued me from the kingdom of darkness and transferred me to the kingdom of your Son,

for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever.

You gave me a good wife for 9 years,

for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever.

You blessed us with Matthew,

for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever …

You called Rhonda home after a life lived to your glory,

for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever …

There is nothing so big that you can’t handle it and nothing so small that you don’t care,

for the steadfast love of the Lord endures forever.

You get the idea.  God has inclined His goodness toward His children.  His steadfast love endures and remains constant amidst the joys and sorrows.  It is the great unifying force that gives meaning and hope, driving away despair.

I know that I am not the only person who has suffered loss, nor am I the only one faced with challenges.  We all struggle.  But God’s steadfast love endures for you, as it does for me, for the Psalmist and for all of God’s people throughout the ages.  On this anniversary of Rhonda’s death I invite you to think about your own life in light of Psalm 136.  Declare in a loud voice, even now, “Give thanks to the God of heaven, for his steadfast love endures forever!” (Psalm 136:6).  Don’t be shy.  If you are reading this in your office, or cubicle say it just above a whisper.  But however loud you say it, speak this truth out loud and let it sink deep into your heart.

With unwavering confidence in Jesus’ victory over the grave, robust faith that He will lose none that the Father has given Him (John 6:9), profound thanksgiving for nine years with Rhonda and deep love for you all,

I remain yours in Christ,

RD